BDSM has been in the media a bit more than usual recently thanks to the popularity of Fifty Shades of Grey. While it’s great to see it being talked about more, Fifty Shades is not the greatest example of safe BDSM practice. I won’t go into too much detail, but there’s a lot of information on the 50 Shades is Domestic Abuse campaign site. Basically, BDSM at its core is about consent, trust and complete agreement between the participants, and 50 Shades falls very flat on this part.
Whether or not BDSM interests you, if you’re having sex of any kind, kinky or not, or if you plan on having sex—talk about what you want! Discuss your boundaries and your limits! If we can get rid of the idea that talking about sex and that asking for consent isn’t ‘sexy’, we’ll all start having much safer and more enjoyable sex. Respect yourself and your desires, and respect those of your partners. Likewise, respect your own limits and boundaries, and theirs too! Destroy the idea that desire is shameful and shouldn’t be talked about—it should. Consent is crucial.