Finding Me

Last weekend, I had a very deep and meaningful conversation with an old friend of mine at a bar. I was a little tipsy, but her words were the clearest thing I had heard all week.

We spoke about identity. We spoke about coming out. We spoke about finding our true selves. I had no idea that the best and most beautiful conversations could happen at a bar full of loud people, but it did and I have been thinking about it ever since.

When we had met a couple of years ago through the Vagina Monologues, I was still unsure about my identity. Bisexual was thrown around sometimes, but it didn’t really feel right to me. Something about it didn’t fit.

About three years later, I found that queer femme unicorn fit me so much better than bisexual. However I’m not saying that bisexual is a bad identity-I am simply saying that it just wasn’t for me. Queer made sense to me. Queer made me comfortable. Queer made me happy.

And that’s exactly what we talked about: finding the right identity that works for. We spoke about how that identity had to come from the individual, not what others say about you or how others see you. It’s about how you see yourself.

Discovering my identity was a moment in my life where I knew things would never be the same. I am confident in myself, my identity, and I am confident in my own skin. It’s hard to describe how amazing of a feeling it is to be at peace with yourself and who are, but I’m sure anyone who has struggled with finding themselves know this feeling.

I hope my friend reads this, because I want her to know how helpful and meaningful that conversation was. I was understood. She understood my struggle with my own self, because she went through the same thing. The feeling that someone understands you for who you are is a special comfort that I have not found in many situations. I thank my friend for being so open with me and for understanding the struggle that so many people go through. I thank her for coming out and for being true to herself, and for being a role model in my own life.

Sometimes finding yourself is confusing. Frustrating, scary, lonely. But when you do, it is one of the most beautiful feelings in the world.

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