Give Yourself a Wicked VD

“But, you can’t give yourself a VD…Can you?”

Breathe easy, my dear readers.  When I say VD, I mean Valentine’s Day.  While the anxiety and the sometimes burning sensation may be similar — the subject of Venereal Disease will be saved for a later post.  As soon as the holiday hustle and bustle slows, the lights are packed away and the leftovers finally finished, a new holiday begins to creep into our stores and minds.  The red and pink, sparkly, sappy VD creeps closer, reminding us that if we truly loved someone we would be showering them in gifts.  I could go on my typical critique of capitalism and my discontent with a material based culture that spends more time telling us that our value is based solely on what we own instead of who we are, but I do believe that there is someone who deserves a little spoiling and certainly a little love: you.

Valentine’s Day is traditionally designed to celebrate the love between two people.  Got it.  What if you are spending the holiday as your own special someone?  Several single gals I speak with echo the same sentiment, “Valentine’s Day makes me feel lonely and sad that I am single.”  I believe it is time for singletons (and other committed folks too) to reclaim this holiday for ourselves.  There are lots of things to feel badly about – the state of our economy, crushing student debt, orphans, natural disasters, the list goes on.  What you should never feel bad about is being on your own during a holiday, or any day for that matter.  Without further ado, a list of self love activities to do to chase away the Cupid Depression.


1. Make Valentines for your friends and family:  Get in the spirit! Lord knows I love any holiday that allows copious amounts of glitter.  Just because you don’t have a special someone to play footsie with doesn’t mean you don’t have love in your life.  You got it from your Momma?  Show her you appreciate it with a little love (and glue).  Your besties are the cat’s pajamas? Fill a card with confetti and let them know it. I’ve also been a fan of Aunt Peaches’ Valentine Swap for a number of years now.  Her blog allows you to connect with strangers from all over the country by swapping hand made Valentines.  You can celebrate and share love with people from all over the place.  I love the idea of brightening someone’s mailbox with something I made myself – you already know glitter is intimately involved.  If you have enough time to feel bad for yourself, you certainly have time to celebrate the amazing people you love all year long.

2. Buy New Sheets: Studies estimate that the average person spends around 33% of their lifetime sleeping.  If you subtract all of the hours you clock with your head on a desk, your buns in a couch, or the seat on the subway right under the heating grate – that is still a lot of time nestled in your bed. Valentine’s Day could be the holiday you blow $100 on dinner and some dead flowers -yes people, as soon as you cut them off the vine, they begin a slow death (think about that for a second), or Valentine’s Day could be the day you replace those crusty sheets you have had since college (you think we don’t see that ink stain?!) with a nice, fresh set of sheets.  I don’t know about you, but just the thought of sliding myself into the cool embrace of brand new sheets is stirring up some crazy cravings for rolling around in bed. Bed, I want to be inside you.  This VD, think a little less about silk panties and a little more about satin sheets.  Your skin will thank me for it.  Don’t have the green?  Strip your bed and wash your old ones (the ink makes you look SMART, trust me!). Clean sheets are delicious and baby, you are worth it.

3. Commit a Random Act of Kindness:  I like to sprinkle some RAKs throughout my yearly calendar because, honestly, it makes me feel good.  So when you pair a kind act with a day that has everyone thinking love-dove thoughts, it is a recipe for gratitude, humbleness and graciousness.  Commuting to work?  Pay the toll for the car behind you.  Buying your morning coffee? Buy one for the person behind you.  Food shopping? Ask an elderly person if they would like you to push their cart out to their car.  Fighting off the snowpacalypse?  Shovel your next door neighbor’s walkway too. Will you feel crazy the first time?  Yes.  But will it make you feel like a million bucks when you see the smile on the person’s face.  Valentine’s Day should be about sharing good thoughts and good vibes.  Let the good karma flow!

4. Orgasm Solo:  Yeah, I said it: orgasm by yourself.  Light a candle, change the shower head to pulse, read a dirty magazine, whatever works for you.  This holiday is about love and romance, so what is wrong with loving and romancing yourself?  All too often, sex is built up to be a monumental event between two people – when in reality, it can be monumental and fun for those of us flying solo as well.  Who says not having a date means you can’t get laid?  Not me.  So let’s all get some, whether you are single or not.  I promise it will be lots of fun.

5. Buy yourself a gift:  Celebrate! If you are single on this holiday, this is your excuse to give yourself exactly what you wanted. How many VD’s have you spent pretending to fawn over a stuffed creature with a velvet heart sewn into it? Snarfing down chocolates you don’t even like because the variety box was on Valentine’s clearance?  Or worse, feigning gratitude for an expensive jewelry set you didn’t want in the first place? (READ: not every girl wants bling.) Well, here is your chance! Gone are the days of gift guessing and hint dropping.  You wanted that new scent from Clinique? Buy it.  You found where they sell those hot faux leather leggings you’ve been coveting? Buy them.  You only like the carmel centered chocolate?  Go to Godiva and create your own truffle box.  Personally, I like to head to Burlington Coat Factory and buy as many statement necklaces as my greedy little paws can hold.  Why?  Because I love them and myself.  And those are the only two reasons I (and you) need.

Any single VD rituals you partake in?  How will you spend your VD?  Give me the details. And shit, I might just send you some glitter.

Happy VD, Bitches.

Ps.  Need some more alone time inspiration, check out poet Tanya Davis and this video:

Watch it, you won’t be sorry.

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