‘Straight’ Girls

We’ve seen this on queer-themed programs like Orange Is the New Black, and it often permeates into real life as well: one queer woman isn’t interested in another queer woman, so the rejected woman calls the other woman “straight.”

I think that queer women calling other queer women straight is the queer woman’s equivalent of a straight man saying a woman “friendzoned” him.

Alex Vause, Laura Prepon’s character on Orange Is the New Black, accusing Piper Chapman (Taylor Schilling) of being straight after Chapman rejects Vause.

Rejection is never fun, but trying to demean another person simply because she is not interested in you is wrong.

When a rejected man says a woman friendzoned him, he’s saying that she’s a terrible person for not wanting to date or have sex with him. When a queer woman says that a woman who rejected her is absolutely straight, that woman is trying to strip the other woman of her identity simply because she is not interested in one specific woman.

This isn’t to say that queer women aren’t allowed to show frustration over being rejected.  Being rejected sucks, and people are allowed to complain about that. However, putting someone down for the lack of chemistry between two people is problematic.

Calling a queer woman straight is like saying, “Well, she doesn’t want to date me, but the problem here can’t be me, so it must be her. She’s not a real queer woman; she’s a faker.” It’s important as an adult to realize that sometimes people won’t be interested in you romantically even though you think they should be. Trying to tell someone who they are and what they’re allowed to be is incredibly immature, especially when you’re doing this as revenge.

So, queer women, just because a woman wasn’t interested in you does not mean she isn’t interested in other women. No man is entitled to a woman just because he is available and might treat her nicely sometimes. Similarly, nobody said you’re entitled to affection from another queer woman just because you both like girls. Debasing who she is by calling her straight only solidifies that you don’t respect her.

One thought on “‘Straight’ Girls”

  1. Actually, we should be teaching our children that rejection is not a problem. Say ‘oh, okay’ and walk away. Obsessive behavior and pouting because you didn’t get what you want is childish. Once you’re old enough to date you shouldn’t act childish anymore. Here’s a clue: not everybody wants you – get over it.

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