I am bisexual. Always have been and always will be. But bisexuality causes a lot of confusion and judgement and I’m sick and tired of it. Here are a few points you need to be clear about when dealing with a fierce bisexual human being.
1. I don’t have to choose.
No, I do not. Bisexuals get a lot of pressure from both the straight and LGBT-community
on how we “just don’t want to choose our ‘right’ sexuality”. That’s just stupid. Ever
since I was young I could always imagine myself being intimate with men AND women. I didn’t know why and didn’t really look into it until I got older. At some point I even thought
I would have to choose before people started asking questions. As I grew older people kept mentioning straight people and lesbian/gay/trans* people, but not even once, did I hear about bisexuals. Why though? Bisexuality is about seeing the beauty in both sexes so far that we do not care what you have in your pants. And it’s funny, because a lot of LGBT-rights posters use it as a slogan. Yet for some reason, bisexuals get shit for it. Yes, I might settle down with a person who will be either a man or a woman, but my physical attraction will not die or have to die for the gender I didn’t marry. We all saw how that worked out for people who wanted to hide their true identity. It also doesn’t mean I will be unfaithful to my partner either. It all depends on how you and your partner decide that your relationship works.
2. Bisexuals are sluts/unfaithful.
First of all slut-shaming is wrong so do not even get me started on that. But thinking that bisexuality is some kind of mega slut sexuality is all kinds of stupid. I don’t even understand where it comes from. I remember the first time I was confronted with this thinking, when in high school some boy said, “So… that means you’re obviously into threesomes and all kinds of other weird stuff?” I’m not saying that having threesomes makes you a slut, nothing does, whatever works for you – but the fact is that a lot of people do not consider the fact that one might be fairly conservative about their sexual behavior even though they are willing to have sex with both genders at a different time. Also, polygamy is not a staple in bisexuality or even with the rest of the LGBT-community. It exists, but it isn’t for everyone. I personally think sex is between two people. I’ve also tried one night stands, but I found out it’s not for me. I like to take it slow and that’s my choice. The amount of partners I’ve had or what I like to do in the sack has nothing to do with the fact that the person might be either a woman or a man.
3. We change our sexuality.
Usually a person doesn’t point out their sexuality constantly. I’m sure we can all agree on that. But when it comes to bisexuals people can get a bit aggressive with the
“Why didn’t you mention it?” question. I can understand it being confusing sometimes. Talking to my lesbian friends about women often resorts to them thinking I’m lesbian
and talking to my straight girl friends about boys has them assuming I’m straight. That’s fine, if you want to judge a person’s sexuality without just asking first. It does not mean I, as
a bisexual, try to hide behind some kind of ‘curtain of acceptance’ just because I don’t go out screaming “HEY I LIKE BOTH GENDERS. LOOK AT ME”. I’m not going to always mention the opposite gender that hasn’t been mentioned in a conversation about relationships just for the sake of being bisexual. Also, you don’t have to have had sex with both genders yet to know you’re a bisexual. Thats like saying a virgin doesn’t have a sexuality until that person has fucked someone.
4. We’re just confused or curious.
A lot of bisexuals get shit from people thinking we are just confused. What are we confused about? My spectrum might be a bit bigger than a lot of other peoples, but I know who I am. I don’t need you to tell me who I like. I don’t need to get shit from you about how I “haven’t gotten enough D yet” or “Ew, you’ve touched a penis, too”. I appreciate both, now get off my back. I’m also not bi-curious. Bi-curious people are people who want to test boundaries of their sexuality (something I think a lot of people should do). Bi-curious people in the end can determine if they are either straight or a member of the LGBT-community. But that’s being bi-curious. I’m bisexual. I’m not confused. Not now, not ever. I don’t feel confused when I’m holding a woman or kissing a man. Honey, I know exactly what I’m doing.