The Dreaded “Friend-zone”

I hate the term “friend-zone” with an undying passion. For those of you unfamiliar with what it means, it is a term applied to a woman (usually) by a man, who has has more than platonic intrest in said woman, and he is facing “unrequited love.”

To me, the “friend-zone” implies boys only have a mission of befriending a girl just to get in her pants. The whole phenomenon has lead me to reflect how I go about formulating friendships with men. Usually, they come about in three ways: we’ve met somewhere we both have a similar interests in such as class, a concert, or a club, or by chance, such as seeing him at a bar and thinking he’s cute, or striking a conversation up at a coffee shop, and finally, being introduced by another friend or what have you. Of course, I am more apt to befriend men I find attractive, but in about 98% of these relations, a beyond platonic friendship doesn’t evolve.

Has this happened to me? Honestly, I don’t know. Maybe some of my male friends came to me because of the sex appeal but stayed for my personality and charm (this is how I LIKE to think of it). Have I had male friends interested in me before? Well, sure I have. However,  my disinterest in going from beyond platonic never strained any relationships with my boys club. In fact, I even had a male friend who I tried to have intimate relations with, but he wasn’t interested. We’re still friends today, and I didn’t go around moping and whining about how he’s, “only interested in bitches, but I’m such a nice girl.” No, I got over it like any functional human being, and everyone in our friend group jokes about it in good health. Our friendship was far more important to me than getting mad about him not wanting to sleep with me.

That’s exactly what friend-zoners don’t appreciate, friendships. They would rather slut-shame and degrade a girl while complaining about how they always get picked over, than just bite the bullet, deal with their feelings in a healthy manner, and remain friends. No one is here to argue that rejection totally sucks and hurts sometimes, but if you have developed enough of a platonic relationship with someone, you will easily get over the rejection in favor of keeping them as a friend.

No one is obligated to have sex with me or date me just because I have made friends with them and spent time with them. That is the most absurd concept ever concocted, and it is the mantra behind “the friend-zone.”

If you ever heard ANYONE, male or female, use the term “friend-zone” in regards to your relationship, get out of there as soon as possible, because the sad truth of the matter is, they don’t value your friendship at all. They only see you as a fetishized sex object.

3 thoughts

  1. I love this. I think the best line is when you said that no one is obligated to have sex with anyone regardless of the length of time spent together. It really makes me worry these days about how little faith people put into a “friendship”. I honestly wonder if most even remember what the word means.

  2. This is absolutely ridiculous.That is not at all what the friend zone is about. Guys who are only interested in sex don’t use the term “friend zone”, because why would they? They’re only interested in sex, so if they get rejected, they’re not going to stick around to be friends. So no, no part of the friend zone ever implies just wanting to get into a girl’s pants. The friend zone refers to when a a person continues to be interested in dating someone, but he/she isn’t interested in anything more than than being friends. And then, if he is a good guy and isn’t just looking for sex, he does indeed keep her as a friend, because he actually is interested in her personality. If she was worth trying to date, then she’s certainly worth keeping as a friend. The example you gave with the disinterested guy would not qualify as the friend zone however, because you (I’m assuming) moved on from wanting to date him. So there is no “unrequited love”. The friend zone is a situation when a person wants something more out of a friendship than he/she can have, but he/she settles for the friendship because it’s worth it, but his/her interest in dating the other person doesn’t go away.

    1. While what most of what you’re saying is true, the term “friend zone” does, in fact, shame the woman for not returning the man’s feelings. The actual situation of a person wanting to be more than friends with a girl, that girl rejecting them, and the person being upset with it is not the issue. It’s the term “friend zone” which implies that the woman is wrong for rejecting someone to whom she is not interested in.

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